Can I mention the drinking?

by Janet
(UK)

Question

Shall I tell my alcoholic friend that I cannot see him whilst he's drinking? Is it OK for me to mention the drinking? So far I refer to him being ill.

Answer

Only you can answer the first question. It is entirely in your hands to choose whether you meet him or not. What is your motivation for asking him this question? If it is to try and encourage him to stop drinking, then by all means give it a go, but I wouldn't hold out too much hope. An alcoholic's first love is alcohol. Your friend is, in effect, having an affair with alcohol, it consumes his every waking hour (thinking about it, planning when to drink and actually drinking). You, I am sorry to say, will always take second place to alcohol; if, on the other hand, you don't like the way he is when drunk, then you are perfectly within your rights to tell him this. It's not pleasant to be around an an active alcoholic.

As for the second question. Of course it's o.k. to talk about his drinking, skirting around the issue only feeds into his denial. Voice your concerns, tell him how it is and if he doesn't like it then that's his problem.