If that boundary is crossed, you need to be firm and do what you said you would do.
For example, tell your alcoholic husband that he is not welcome at school activities if he's been drinking or tell your alcoholic mother that you don't wish to talk to her on the phone when she's been drinking.
It is no good setting a boundary and then not carrying though, the alcoholic will no longer believe you and you will be back at square one.
Do not create a boundary if you are not 100% sure that you will keep it.
Avoid Enabling the Alcoholic
Helping an alcoholic does not include covering up for them.
In fact, that is one of the worst things you can do as it enables the behavior.
So when your alcoholic husband comes in at 4 a.m. and then can't get up for work at 7 a.m., do not be the one to call in for him.
He needs to start facing the consequences of his dependence on alcohol. If he does not have to take responsibility for his drinking, he will never do anything about it becuase it doesn't impact on his life....it impacts on YOURS.
Help for the Alcoholic Detach Yourself from Their Behavior
Alcoholic behavior is not a pretty thing to experience or have to deal with. You need to remember that while you care for them, you are not responsible for them or their actions.
You need to detach yourself from the alcoholism before you can figure out how to help an alcoholic.
Stop rescuing them when their drinking gets them into trouble.
If that means leaving them in jail overnight instead of rushing to bail them out, so be it.
When Enough is Enough
Sometimes the only way to figure out how to help an alcoholic is to take yourself out of the picture.
If the alcoholism is hurting you or the rest of your family, sometimes the only wise decision is to give the alcoholic a final ultimatum – choose the alcohol or choose the family.
It's not easy but once you reach that point, leaving may be the only alternative for your own peace of mind.
Helping an Alcoholic An Intervention?
Getting help for the alcoholic can come in the form of an intervention. In short, an intervention is one of two thing:
An alcoholism intervention can be when family, friends and colleagues get together and confront the alcoholic about his drinking, behavior and the impact both are having on his health and those around him (Read conducting a family alcoholism intervention for more on this course of action.)
An alcoholic intervention can also be when the family of the alcoholic employs the services of a professional addiction interventionist. He or she will arrange an intervention as above, with the help and support of the alcoholic's family and friends
The goal of an intervention is to get the alcohol dependent to see the light and motivate them to seek help for their problem. This is an active route to take but ultimately, it is the choice of the alcoholic to seek treatment, not the family.
Loving an alcoholic is one of the most painful things you will ever have to cope with. Yet, it doesn't need to be, C.P.Lehman in his book, Help Me! I'm In Love With An Addict gives you the strategies that will enable you to find happiness and get your life back on track...as well as other skills that are crucial when attempting to help an alcohol dependent.
If you or someone close to you wants help and advice on quitting drinking then take a look at the following pages:
Deborah Morrow, M.S. Addiction Psychology, is the director of treatment programs for The Alcoholism Guide website. In her practice, Deborah provides on-line coaching and support for those dependent on alcohol or who require other services such as relapse prevention or court mandated services. (Read More)