Why do alcoholics prefer alcohol to their family?
(Gardena, Ca )
I need advice from someone outside my relationship. I've been with my partner for 10 years since we have been together since we were kids. I love him but recently the last few years he his been drinking excessively. I don't understand why? He wastes money ridiculously, and we fight over his drinking.
What I need advice on is that we have 3 daughters and they see all this. I don't know what to do...Reply
It is very challenging for those who are not addicted to a substance to understand the behavior of someone who is addicted. It’s true that their behavior indicates they prefer their substance over their family. However, in the alcoholic’s heart, I’m sure this is not true. When the human body is addicted to something, the drive for the substance is so strong that it can take precedent over loved ones, jobs, credit ratings, responsibilities, children, reputation, and even their marriage. In his heart he probably loves you and the children more than anything else on earth but it is hard to discern that based on his behavior. In the moment, nothing is more important than satisfying the physical need he has for alcohol.
It is not a good environment for your daughters and could have many long-term negative effects on their mental and emotional well-being. You may want to read this article on the effects of alcoholism on children
and family. You will be able to get an idea of how people are affected by their parents substance abuse when they were children. You will then understand how your daughters could be affected.
You may want to consider a separation until he gets the help he needs. Or, if he goes away to get help at a rehab facility, this will give you and your girls sufficient distance from his struggles. You girls need to be a in a stable home without substance abuse or constant fighting.
Once your husband receives help for his addiction, he will need to maintain that sobriety through regular AA meetings and counseling would be beneficial as well. You, also, may want to get some counseling at a local counseling center or church. It’s important that you know how to not enable
him and also how to support him in a helpful way when he enters the recovery phase of his addiction.
Follow this link for more information about alcoholism treatment