A killer in my own family and watching the same happen partner


I felt like I’ve needed to get this off my chest for ages but can’t help but brush it off as if it is the norm on my dad’s side of my family we all have been ruled by addictive /dependent personality disorders – weather it be drinking , gambling , substance, even boxing and homemade tattoos looking back through family history , spending money recklessly etc even healthy addictions speaking from my own experience UN able to to kick one without placing another on a pedestal , a lot of my family have sadly died or destroyed them selfs till death occurs I’ve had a lifelong issue with suicide attempts I am still trying to prevent now . I am 26 my cousins are a similar age , the children to my auntie who was a healthy ( to the eye) 30 year old woman who ha a really good public sector role etc but was a high functioning al since having a drink problem as a teen . Out of nowhere , Amanda , my auntie mother went into hospital with her charm and sense if humour just died that following day with liver failure, my cousins who were 12 /13 at the time and ever since then it just made me unable to drink alcohol which I was already abusing by that age as it hurts 1
2 years to this daY having to see the funeral and how it hurt the family we all still blame ourselfs for not trying to force help we offered and all the pleading but as you say , it really is a deep rooted disease it’s never a choice . Now my partner who I love dearly is littrelly double of our Amanda and I’m in a position of excuses for his drink driving fighting abusive outbursts I’m taking all the blows for him cause I know my self it will push him more if I arnt protecting him yet I still feel lost and guilty cause I can’t even talk on a understanding level without him blowing up and saying it’s blown out of proportion he’s got a prob when it’s ruining every aspect in his life sadly I feel asif he is going to kill him self too but he doesn’t want to hear it or admit it

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