Alcohol made me a lunatic

by Goodman
(Johannesburg, South Africa)

My name is Goodman and I would like to share my story.

I started drinking at school with friends at the age of 18. At first, it was fun and had no effects on my attitude or my actions. As time went on I started drinking on weekends and thought there was no problem. I have been drinking almost every weekend since then with friends. I am now 40 years old and alcohol started having weird effects on me: fights with my wife, fights with the friends I drank with, they started seeing me as an enemy, black outs but with my eyes open, not remembering where I had been and what I had done, losing my clothes, jackets, jerseys and caps wherever I went and sometimes I would mess myself on the way home.

It was getting worse, aggressiveness to most people, talking anyway I liked and not respecting people. Alcohol really turned me into a lunatic and when I am sober I don’t believe the things they tell me I did when I was drunk. Awful things that I wouldn’t do when sober, embarrassing things. I felt like opening a hole in the ground and hiding there forever. I would do or say embarrassing things even to my good neighbors. Then I would have a problem going to work in the mornings and coming back home because I didn’t want them to see me. I would wait somewhere outside for night to fall, and then I would sneak into my house. I would tell my kids to tell anyone that came to see me that I was not at home and would hide in my bedroom until the visitor left. I was a karate champion at one stage in my life and when I drink alcohol, especially whiskey, I would feel a lot of strength in my body and wanted a fight ..I would also walk at night long distances drunk and most of the time didn’t even know how I got home…and South Africa is full of murderers walking around at night, honestly, I don’t know how I survived.

I started realizing that I have a problem but couldn’t quit drinking on weekends. I didn’t know what else I would do to replace the drinking. It continued but eventually, I found something else to do. I also figured that my friends were also part of my drinking problem and I decided not to see them on weekends. I wouldn’t see them for a month or 2, but eventually went to them again because of boredom. Then it would all happen again, all the troubles, all the fights, even my wife told me that I was an animal when I’m drunk. I have also noticed that the first sip of alcohol changes me inside. I cannot explain the change but I become someone else on the very first sip.

I have been seeking a way out. I prayed many times to God to help me and today a guy told me that he will take me to the Alcoholics Anonymous group meeting. I am excited and looking forward to going. I will let you know how it goes. May God help us all, I pray that this is it, this is my answer.

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