Alcoholic Father and his Children

by Karen
(Victoria, Australia)

When my husband is very drunk – slurring words, yelling at the dogs, falling over – I take my youngest child out of the house to keep her safe. When sober, my husband is aggressive towards me, telling me he would never hurt her, but I know how this went with my older daughter, and the emotional abuse she took from him. Am I doing the right thing and what do I say to him when he is so aggressive. So far, nothing has worked.


There is no doubt that you are doing the right thing by taking your child out of the house when your husband is drunk. Even if he does not direct his anger at your daughter, she can still be affected by his behavior.

As for confronting your husband about your worries, it seems that he gets very defensive when you do so, which implies that he is feeling a sense of guilt at what he put your elder daughter through. There is very little you can say to him about this issue if he reacts with aggression. If you tell him how you feel about his behavior, his drinking and your concerns about your child then that is all you can do. Let him do what he will with the information.

It is essential to remember that your daughter’s welfare needs to be put above all else and you should do what you believe is best for her.

All the best.

2 Comments. Leave new

  • Mar 09, 2013
    Alcoholic partner
    by: Anonymous

    My partner is an alcoholic he has been in hospital loads as he now suffers fits and hallucinations and has been told he has lost brain cells. He has done so many detox’s but it only works for a short while. It seems like i am going around in circles. I have 2 children age 12 and 13 yrs old. He only got like this after his son died in a road accident at the age of 6. He would now be 20. I have got to the point that I don’t care anymore and my children feel the same. His family doesn’t help, they just gives him drinks and then complain, telling me to sort him out. I just don’t know what to do anymore ?

  • Jan 18, 2012
    Children need protecting.
    by: Calvin

    One of the most personally damaging things my mother has done to me is to tell me that the reason why she stayed with an alcoholic is because when I was a little child, I told her that I would rather have a drunk father rather than no father at all. In this one statement on her part, she denied her role in perpetuating the abuse and blamed a small child (me) for all the pain and suffering I experienced at the hands of my alcoholic abusive father. I don’t speak to my mother because she continues to deny that she was responsible for any of the pain and suffering me and my brothers and sister experienced. She has chosen to live in a world of denial even though she runs AA groups. She is 86 years old and I am 58 years old. My father died of liver disease 35 years ago. The reason why I am sharing this story is to relay the message to you that your children will hold you accountable some day for your choice to live with an abusive alcoholic. Just be prepared for the consequences because it will also filter down to the grandchildren. Give it a lot of serious and deep thought and ask yourself what is most important in your life. Should you protect your children or appease an abusive alcoholic that you will probably survive by many many years? Sometimes there is no fence upon which to rest without serious consequences.


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