When my husband is very drunk – slurring words, yelling at the dogs, falling over – I take my youngest child out of the house to keep her safe. When sober, my husband is aggressive towards me, telling me he would never hurt her, but I know how this went with my older daughter, and the emotional abuse she took from him. Am I doing the right thing and what do I say to him when he is so aggressive. So far, nothing has worked.
There is no doubt that you are doing the right thing by taking your child out of the house when your husband is drunk. Even if he does not direct his anger at your daughter, she can still be affected by his behavior.
As for confronting your husband about your worries, it seems that he gets very defensive when you do so, which implies that he is feeling a sense of guilt at what he put your elder daughter through. There is very little you can say to him about this issue if he reacts with aggression. If you tell him how you feel about his behavior, his drinking and your concerns about your child then that is all you can do. Let him do what he will with the information.
It is essential to remember that your daughter’s welfare needs to be put above all else and you should do what you believe is best for her.
All the best.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.