Alcoholic Husband Has Everyone Fooled

by Jen
(grand island)

So after getting home last night and not saying where he had been....I asked. That lead to him flipping the couch I was lying down on watching tv. I came to find out he was out drinking. The night before when he left he did not saying where he was going...met the same friend at another bar.

The last time we went out as a family was to a football game - after 3 hrs when it was time to leave he couldn't talk and could hardly keep a walking pace faster that a 2 yr old.

Or how about when his cousin invited us to go tubing in a town about 45 min away. He had to keep chugging beers and after he was out he drank other peoples. That same night at his uncles house he drank half of a 1.75 liter of Pendleton whisky mixed with a small amount of coke. He fell asleep in my new terrain (SUV) before we were out of town. Right after we pulled into our driveway he threw up in my new car.

He tells me that he does NOT have a drinking problem. But then smacks me on the ass and tells me that I should work out a little harder. I am 5 ft 8 and weigh 139. I think my body is beautiful.

Its hard. I miss the man that i feel in love with. I want out of this. Also he has had surgery on his elbow about 3 weeks ago. So instead of getting addicted to pain pills he says he drinks to make the pain go away. Also he can't help with anything around the house but he can drive to the bar, drink for hours and is then capable of driving home.

It broke my heart when I heard my nephew tell my best friend that he is mean to me. That he doesn't come across that he loves me.

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Sep 13, 2014
by: Anonymous

I wish I could give you a hug, I so understand what you are living with is not easy!

You are in my prayers,
Heart Broken

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The Love of My Life is an Alcoholic


Hello. I am a 32-year-old professional woman who is married to an alcoholic. He is the great love of my life, he has an incredibly magnetic personality, he’s funny, attractive, intelligent, creative, and, unfortunately, an alcoholic. The fact that he is an alcoholic virtually erases all of those wonderful traits that are becoming more and more buried under his alcoholism.

We have had many “discussions” about his alcoholism. He’s promised that he will quit or cut down and be responsible. He’s made it a couple of weeks, but that’s about it. We have been married seven years (thankfully, no children) and I fear that I am reaching my breaking point. I’m tired of being the responsible one. The one who makes sure everything gets done. I get to worry and he gets to get drunk. He wastes our money on beer and vodka and I make sure the bills get paid. It’s pretty unfair. The problem is…I love him, but only when he’s sober.

In some ways I’m lucky. He’s not abusive; he does not yell or become belligerent. He’s more of an escapist. He runs from his problems and alcohol takes him the farthest away. I have been going to therapy and working out with a personal trainer to have something for myself, but it has not helped with the empty feeling I have when I came home to him. It’s incredibly lonely being the wife of an alcoholic and to know that he has chosen alcohol over me. He was the person I could talk to about my problems and now I talk to my cat! I’m too embarrassed to talk to my friends or family because they all love him and are not aware of this problem. I guess I need advice from someone in the same situation. Anyone out there have any?

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Sep 12, 2017
by: Anonymous

I appreciate this forum. I have been with my finance for 13 years. I met him when he was sober and we hit it off. I embraced him and went to meetings with him and we did well. After going on cruises etc he decided he wanted to drink again. One thing led to another and he is drinking daily and smoking marijuana. Once in 2013 on vacation we got into a fight due to alcohol, he hit me and it was not good. Because I care about him so deeply I did not leave. One week ago he was drunk and cursed at me saying really bad things. I told him it was best that he moved out, he has always threatened to move out from time to time. This time I asked him. He got mad and did not speak for a few days and now he told me he is moving at the end of Oct. He started back attending AA meetings this week. I cooked a nice dinner last night and he told me that he hopes I was not trying to change his mind because he was set on moving. His comments hurt my feelings. He is isolated in his room on the other wing of the house and does not talk to me. I feel hurt but know I have to find the strength. I am financially secure and can take care of myself. Please advise me on moving forward. Thanks so much

Mar 03, 2016
I can relate
by: SM

I feel for you, I am in the same situation. My husband is the sweetest man when he's not drunk. We've been married for 30 years and his drinking has gotten worse and worse over the years. He has promised so many times to stop drinking, but it has only resulted in him stopping for a few weeks and then when he starts drinking again, he drinks even more. He is not abusive, but does get irritable and withdrawn sometimes. Unfortunately he works from home now, so he starts drinking early some days. He used to try to change, but last time he said I'll see, so now I don't think he is going to try at all. I love him but at the same time, I don't want to stick around to see him drink himself to death. It saddens me, because I think I will eventually have to leave him, but I think he will choose alcohol over me, so it will probably kill him.

Jul 01, 2014
Run till your sneakers burn rubber
by: Anonymous

It is a very lonely place being a partner to an alcoholic.You love the sober man and the promises of a bright future which you can see....but really you are one home in his shell...and the tomorrow they promise never's always tomorrow and never today, except for the rare time....but that only builds your hope up again and drops you flat on your back....and bit by destroys you too.

Aug 25, 2013
Thank you, Liz.
by: Anonymous

Thank you for responding to my post. It made me feel like I have a friend for the first time in a long time. I have given him the ultimatum and am awaiting his decision. My greatest fear is that he will choose alcohol over me. In fact, I'm pretty sure he will and the pain of knowing that is nearly unbearable. I am going to seek help for myself regardless if what he decides. Thank you for sharing your story; it really does help!

Aug 22, 2013
stop enabling
by: Liz

My dear, this sounds almost exactly like my husband and I, but with opposite roles. I was the drunk, using it as a way to escape-but I would get my feelings hurt more when I would drink. I tried to only have 1 glass a day, but the craving was too intense. There would be times where I would fill another glass without realizing it, and then after that glass I would keep drinking because I didn't want to kill my buzz. I would hide bottles from him (I would go through almost 3/4 to a whole bottle of wine a day, or a huge jug of whiskey or vodka in 4 days), but he found a few when I forgot to take them to the recycling place. He suggested AA, but I waved it off like a joke. But a few months later he found more (I tried to stop so many times, but the anxiety I got trying to keep myself from NOT drinking felt worse than just putting the bottle to my lips). He gave me an ultimatum. Either I go to AA and get help, or our marriage was over.

THAT woke me up, and even though it is hard, I am going. I do not want to lose my husband, and I am so glad he was strong enough to stand up to me and make me decide, and continue to stand behind me in this process.

So after this long point is not if your family loves him and has no idea, it is if YOU love him enough to be able to put your foot down and have him decide whether he wants to keep you or the alcohol (not both) and to be able to not waiver when he tries to persuade you(he might even start demeaning you big time. This is the alcoholic talking, so don't let it get you down too much), or even if he starts threatening to leave. If he chooses alcohol, you must keep your resolve. This will save his life in the long run. The only thing you need to say is , " I love you and that is why I'm doing this. You can either get help with your drinking, or I will be leaving".

If he chooses alcohol, then you MUST be strong and leave. He will never take you seriously again if you do not stand behind your demands, and you will just be enabling him again. I hope this helps, and I pray that everything goes well.

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