I met my partner only a few months ago. We didn't see each other frequently at first because we are both in grad school. I am pretty independent and busy with school, so I didn't think much of not hearing from him for a few days or longer. He would check in by text which has become such a common form of communication for my generation.
We connected quickly and on a deeper level than I have experienced in a while. Ironically, he is a great communicator. He is also a very caring and thoughtful person and in the beginning I kept thinking...this guy has his shit together. I think he kept his drinking under tighter control for a bit because of me. Once he lost control I quickly put the pieces together and confronted him. I told him that I cared for him, but could not continue our friendship or relationship if he was drinking. I told him if he ever truly wanted help I would do my best to support him and help him find the resources he needed and then I said goodbye.
A few days later he called and asked for help. I drove him to detox and rehab. Now I feel lost. I lost my cousin to alcoholism and my best friend from high school has been clean and sober for 5 years. I know how to set boundaries and have (I think) a fairly health knowledge of how to take care of myself. I am also familiar with the challenges a recovering alcoholic faces in the first year. I want to support my partner (I was/am starting to fall in love) but because the relationship is newer I am concerned that continuing the romantic relationship might not be the best option for either of us. I went to one Al-Anon meeting, but I am not really down with the program. I know it is important to keep trying different meeting groups, but I am really looking for something different.
I feel overwhelmed and need some open minds to talk about this. I know Al-Anon is not ok with addicts staring new relationships at the beginning of recovery, but my partner and I fall into a fuzzy area. I have been through more with this man in the first few months than I have ever before. And while checking him into rehab connected us more deeply, this was by no means the only deep bonding experience we have shared. We haven't even had sex and I felt a deeper connection with him than most of my partners. I see that he has a positive attitude and tools that a recovering alcoholic needs to be successful. I am cautious and need some resources to help myself. Any suggestions for support groups for families and friends beside Al-Anon? I have searched all week with no luck. I would prefer a support group that is more secular.
Thank you for your input!
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