Can I mention the drinking?

by Janet
(UK)

Question - Shall I tell my alcoholic friend that I cannot see him whilst he's drinking? Is it OK for me to mention the drinking? So far I refer to him being ill.

Answer - Only you can answer the first question. It is entirely in your hands to choose whether you meet him or not. What is your motivation for asking him this question? If it is to try and encourage him to stop drinking, then by all means give it a go, but I wouldn't hold out too much hope. An alcoholic's first love is alcohol. Your friend is, in effect, having an affair with alcohol, it consumes his every waking hour (thinking about it, planning when to drink and actually drinking). You, I am sorry to say, will always take second place to alcohol; if, on the other hand, you don't like the way he is when drunk, then you are perfectly within your rights to tell him this. It's not pleasant to be around an an active alcoholic.

As for the second question. Of course it's o.k. to talk about his drinking, skirting around the issue only feeds into his denial. Voice your concerns, tell him how it is and if he doesn't like it then that's his problem.

Comments for Can I mention the drinking?

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Sep 21, 2016

Too late
by: Anonymous

The friend I mentioned died in July. He drank himself to death aged 51.

Sep 01, 2016

I know know how to approach the subject
by: Anonymous

My 30 year old son gets drunk almost every night. I think he downs a Mickey of vodka in his truck and comes back in the house seemingly sober but as time passes I guess the alcohol takes effect and he becomes drunk. His 10 year old son seems not to notice the change... he soon will. His wife says he never drinks and ignores the changes in his personality. His speech get slurred and he doesn't make sense or doesn't care what he says. He goes swimming in the lake alone late at night after drinking. I have lived with his drinking for years. His future scares me both health and family responsibility. I don't know how to approach him...I know he knows what he is doing. We have a history of arguments over his drinking. I visit him to see my grandchildren but seeing him this way makes the evenings unbearable. He has a 2 year old and wants another child... what to do?????

Aug 05, 2011

Coping with alcoholic
by: Coreen

I was greatly helped by the question and answer. To be honest, I absolutely cannot believe alcohol consumes their thoughts, their lives the way it does. I learned first hand how nasty an alcoholic can be without blinking an eye - and, for no reason. Healing is going to take a while.

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