Watching a friend, family member, or colleague with an alcohol problem could be difficult, let alone confronting an alcoholic. You might be wondering what you could do to improve the situation, and whether or not that person even wants your help.
Confronting an alcoholic is never easy primarily because so many variables must be taken into consideration. A wide variety of professionals are available to assist in this difficult endeavor; in addition, this website is filled with beneficial information and insights to help you along the way.
Gather as much information and support as you can before you continue. You could read books, browse online, or ask your health care provider for more information. Keep in mind that many, if not most alcoholics tend to come from families of alcoholics. For them,
If you are thinking about confronting an alcoholic, you should be aware of and prepare for dealing with generations of denial and avoidance, not to mention codependent tendencies.
Now, this in NO way is meant to provide an alcoholic with an excuse; it simply is a fact.
It just doesn’t work. An intoxicated alcoholic can be totally erratic and unpredictable. Even if you can actually communicate rationally, the alcoholic may forget/black out your conversation or become emotionally weepy or belligerently offensive, even violent.
The first two types may be emotional black holes, but they usually pose no real physical threat. However, if the alcoholic you are confronting has a quick temper and/or sudden, intense or explosive anger, do not put yourself or anyone else in danger in order to try to help, no matter how much you may want to. Choose an appropriate time when you are both clearheaded and well-rested.
In addition, do not ever confront an alcoholic when you are alone.
If you confront an alcoholic with the expectation that (s)he will stop drinking immediately, you will probably be disappointed, which may discourage you from trying again. If you confront an alcoholic in a compassionate manner and with the hope of resolving these drinking issues eventually, then anything is possible.
So, try to speak rationally and lovingly as you slowly but steadily chip away at their excuses, rationalizing and minimizing. Point out the flaws of one or two of these and explain how they are not productive or beneficial. To prevent an alcoholic from becoming excessively defensive, you could emphasize on your concerns and feelings—rather than stating how you believe he or she should be acting or living. It may take a while but continue to chip away.
Be on the lookout for this technique because somehow their excuses actually sound rational and make sense. This is often when the family history and the difficult childhood come up. If this situation occurs, say, “Right now, I am not concerned with why you drink. I am only concerned with the consequences of your drinking.”
If you go into the situation with an open mind, a loving heart, and good intentions, you have an excellent chance of success. Seek the advice of professionals and others with experience and insight.
If you try to avoid having expectations and if you can stay calm, rational, and focused, you will have a very good solid foundation to build on. Once the problem is truthfully and completely acknowledged, the solutions and healing can begin.
Healing Can Start Now!
If you or your loved ones are ready to start healing from alcoholism, there are treatment facilities that can help you on your journey to recovery. Contact them today.
Lead Writer/Reviewer : Kayla Loibl
Licensed Medical Health Professional
Hello!
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. Read More
Sources:
Healthline. How to Help Someone with an Alcohol Addiction. March 29, 2019. https://www.healthline.com/health/most-important-things-you-can-do-help-alcoholic
WebMD. Worried About a Loved One’s Drinking? What to Do. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/loved-one-drinking-what-to-do#1
Psychology Today. Ways to Approach the High-Functioning Alcoholic in Your Life. June 3, 2009. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-high-functioning-alcoholic/200906/ways-approach-the-high-functioning-alcoholic-in-your-life
Medline Plus. Helping a loved one with a drinking problem. September, 7, 2020. https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000815.htm
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