(Long Island, NY)
I am the husband of a woman who I’ve been married to for nearly 30 years. She became genetically Alcoholic 28 years ago. She started AA 28 years ago and has been totally sober for nearly 27 years. However, I know that Alcoholism is a twofold disease – characterized by a desire to drink compulsively – as well as attitude change. In her case, her attitude change which occurred with the onset of alcoholism was never fixed. It results in 1)A short fuse, 2) Anger as a frequent emotion, and 3)Outbursts with no provocation or little events. I have learned that I cannot fix this situation (Am powerless over her – Step 1) and therefore focus on myself with Al-Anon. I wish things were different but I accept (not condone) what I cannot change.
Do you have any comments or suggestions???
It seems as if your wife has merely given up drinking and not made the necessary changes to make life easier/more content. The term that is used in Alcoholics Anonymous is dry drunk. Does your wife attend a support group?
It is never enough for an alcohol dependent to just give up drinking and then hope all will be well. Giving up is the easy part, changing the habits, behaviors, prejudices etc. of a lifetime takes work, a lot of work. Alcoholics Anonymous recognizes this and that is why recovering alcoholics are encouraged to attend meetings.
If your wife does not like AA, then there are plenty of alternatives which are listed on this site. The key is having the support to enable change and the strength to do it.
All the best
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.