Even With Sobriety Of 28 Years, Does My Wife Still Have

(Long Island, NY)

I am the husband of a woman who I’ve been married to for nearly 30 years. She became genetically Alcoholic 28 years ago. She started AA 28 years ago and has been totally sober for nearly 27 years. However, I know that Alcoholism is a twofold disease – characterized by a desire to drink compulsively – as well as attitude change. In her case, her attitude change which occurred with the onset of alcoholism was never fixed. It results in 1)A short fuse, 2) Anger as a frequent emotion, and 3)Outbursts with no provocation or little events. I have learned that I cannot fix this situation (Am powerless over her – Step 1) and therefore focus on myself with Al-Anon. I wish things were different but I accept (not condone) what I cannot change.
Do you have any comments or suggestions???


It seems as if your wife has merely given up drinking and not made the necessary changes to make life easier/more content. The term that is used in Alcoholics Anonymous is dry drunk. Does your wife attend a support group?

It is never enough for an alcohol dependent to just give up drinking and then hope all will be well. Giving up is the easy part, changing the habits, behaviors, prejudices etc. of a lifetime takes work, a lot of work. Alcoholics Anonymous recognizes this and that is why recovering alcoholics are encouraged to attend meetings.

If your wife does not like AA, then there are plenty of alternatives which are listed on this site. The key is having the support to enable change and the strength to do it.

All the best

2 Comments. Leave new

  • Oct 08, 2019
    by: Anonymous

    AMEN! A lot of times feelings and frustration were hidden in the bottle! Now it’s gone … true feelings are exposed. Drinking goes away but problems don’t, they are still there! People think oh great the drinking has stopped, all problems solved! Wrong! Be careful what you wish for!

  • Mar 13, 2012
    Try Talking.
    by: Calvin

    So you are attending Al-Anon meetings to learn how to cope with your wife being a “bitch” (figuratively speaking). Instead of going to Al-Anon meetings, you should try talking to your wife. There is a reason why she acts that way and it probably has nothing to do with being in recovery for 27 years.


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