We’ve been together for 22 years and I still love him very much. Everything started falling apart about 6 months ago when I really noticed my husband was spending A LOT of time on the internet, not doing ANYTHING around the house, and just yelling at me for off the wall stuff – like asking him to buy some vents for my sons room, and him having a hissy fit because I am so bossy!? Or accusing me of an affair from 12 years ago? Or accusing me of having a ‘secret contact list’ on my phone? Where in the world was all this coming from?
My middle child (19) busted my husband 2 years ago having an extra phone line. I didn’t know about it until 6 months ago when my son was hospitalized for mental illness, which I am certain, is due to this ‘secret’ he was keeping from his mother. I found out about the phone line and somehow my husband having a phone line is my fault? And the best part is – when my son busted him, he turned around and tried to justify his actions by telling my son that I had had an affair 12 years ago. My husband accused me of an affair 12 years ago, which is untrue, but I get to listen to that. But to tell my KID that I had done it? That was absolutely uncalled for. Then my husband started accusing me of all this other weird stuff and I don’t know where it was coming from. Then I finally realized – HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC!
He drinks 5-6 beers each day Monday thru Thursday, 10-12 on Friday, and on Saturday & Sunday – it depends on the occasion, but I would say 15-24 a day. He has never had a DWI, but that is probably because I was always the designated driver. He has totaled 2 cars within 1 year, fainted while standing up and mashed his face into the floor, and went to the doctor for a skin condition and they told him to get lab tests done. He got the lab tests done, but they couldn’t give him any medication because his liver wasn’t functioning normally. Do you think any of those instances would have got him to cut down at least?
He flirts with women right in front of me and thinks it’s a big joke. He has single-handedly ruined our family. I left once and came back after 2 weeks. After I came home he was hoarding his phone and locking it every night. What do you think that was all about? I left again after I busted him when his Yahoo Messenger account came up and I read the first entry telling them his name, how tall he was, his interests – and what are they like? What the hell? What a loser. I tell you.
I consider myself a great person! I am thin, pretty, a great personality with a lot of friends (thank god) who I would do anything for. I am a wonderful mother and wonderful wife who did EVERYTHING for my family and hardly complained at all. He did everything he wanted to do, purchased anything he wanted. I didn’t care – if that was what made him happy. This is what you get when your loser husband is an alcoholic.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.