I have been with my partner on and off for 3 years, in this time he has, I think, had a drink problem but has got slowly worse and worse. He can’t keep a job for more than 2 months, sometimes can’t go to work becuase of his hangover, often he buys no food or electric (he has his own flat) but is in the pub drinking.
He has promised me so many times he will give up but always goes back to it. He never used to drink everyday but in the last few months he had drunk nearly every day and when I go to collect him (I only live 5 doors away from the pub), it’s always one for the road.
I’ve had enough of his lies, cheating, borrowing money, lack of pride in his apperance and generally letting us down. He’s also been very violent and abussive when drunk and tries to blame me for his actions (I don’t drink anymore).
Well, this weekend I’ve had enough, I’ve told him it’s over and I’m devastated he chose drink over our relationship. I feel totally used and hurt. Have I done the right thing? I’ve been so utterly miserable for ages but feel even worse now I’ve finished things. Any advice?
Sounds like you’re going through a bad time. My thoughts are with you.
Have you done the right thing? Reading your question, I have absolutley no doubt that you have done the right thing.
You have given your partner every opportunity to deal with his drinking and yet he does not. He has said he will stop only to continue with his drinking, this, I’m afraid, is classic alcoholic behavior on his part.
You are not his number one priority, alcohol is and it will continue to be so until he does something about it.
You say that he has been abusive and violent toward you. Regardless of his drinking this is unacceptable and is reason enough to leave him. Violence should never be tolerated and cannot be blamed away on alcohol or anything else.
I know that you are hurting now and you will be for some time, but remember this will pass even though it seems that it never will. When it has then you will be able to have a fulfilling relationship with someone whose number one priority is you, not alcohol.
All the best.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.