Is My Husband An Alcoholic Or Just A Loner?

by Marie
(milwaukee WI)

I'm not sure if my husband is an alcoholic or not. He has drunk every night for 23 years, but has held down a respectable job. He lost his job 2 years ago due to the recession, saying the company told him he wasn't a "good fit". I don't know if this is the truth or not and don't know how I would find out. He drinks alone in his man cave, probably 3-6 drinks nightly, wine, vodka, gin. He's never sloppy drunk or loud and mean, but slurs speech. I can tell he gets irritated if he can't drink by 9 pm. He really doesn't have much to do with me and our 2 children and we have no social life. He's very picky and doesn't like to do much. Is he alcoholic or just a selfish bore?

REPLY

From what you write, it seems that he has a problem with alcohol but it is difficult to say if he is physically dependent. Only he can really answer that question. If he is getting cranky and irritable when he is unable to drink at his alloted time, then he is definitely psychologically dependent. What does he do all day if he is not working? Does he drink during the day?

Aside from his drinking, your relationship seems to be quite distant and, as you say yourself, you have no social life. Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings? If not, then maybe you should.

Another idea would be for you to go to Al-anon meetings. These are a great way to meet others who are involved with problem drinkers and you can ask their advice concerning your husband. You will find further information at this page http://al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html

All the best.