I’m not sure if my husband is an alcoholic or not. He has drunk every night for 23 years, but has held down a respectable job. He lost his job 2 years ago due to the recession, saying the company told him he wasn’t a “good fit”. I don’t know if this is the truth or not and don’t know how I would find out. He drinks alone in his man cave, probably 3-6 drinks nightly, wine, vodka, gin. He’s never sloppy drunk or loud and mean, but slurs speech. I can tell he gets irritated if he can’t drink by 9 pm. He really doesn’t have much to do with me and our 2 children and we have no social life. He’s very picky and doesn’t like to do much. Is he alcoholic or just a selfish bore?
From what you write, it seems that he has a problem with alcohol but it is difficult to say if he is physically dependent. Only he can really answer that question. If he is getting cranky and irritable when he is unable to drink at his alloted time, then he is definitely psychologically dependent. What does he do all day if he is not working? Does he drink during the day?
Aside from his drinking, your relationship seems to be quite distant and, as you say yourself, you have no social life. Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings? If not, then maybe you should.
Another idea would be for you to go to Al-anon meetings. These are a great way to meet others who are involved with problem drinkers and you can ask their advice concerning your husband. You will find further information at this page http://al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html
All the best.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.