Five years ago…I was home with my three year old little boy, and my two week old daughter, waiting for my husband to return from work. It was about 6:30… I never knew what time he would be home, for years it was between 3 and 4. Now it was whenever he showed up with some lame excuse about traffic or something. So I am exhausted, waiting for help, I finally see his truck pull up. He’s drunk.
My husband and I grew up together, since we were twelve. There has always been a connection between us, although neither of us would admit that at the time. I have never stopped loving him, I never thought about divorcing him, I’ve never second guessed “us”. I did however, know that if he was going to choose to keep living his life the way he was, I was going to move out with our kids. We would just live separate lives, even though it would have killed me. I just knew I could not put my kids through that kind of life, especially since their dad was such an unbelievable man. He just couldn’t see it. Nothing he did was ever good enough, he thought. “Anything good that comes into my life, I will eventually f#ck it up”, that was his quote.
His addiction is his own story, his recovery story is ours. That night he came home, he came in and sat on the couch. I asked him to please watch the kids so I could just get changed. I came back down and the baby was crying on the couch, and he was passed out. I picked her up, put my son to bed and called his uncle (who happened to be in AA for years) and my brother in law. ‘Come get him, I don’t want him here anymore.’ They came and soon my house had ten people in it. I was exhausted, I had reached my point. I honestly didn’t think he had a problem, because he went to work everyday and he did not come home and beat us. That to me was an alcoholic, not my husband~ I found out otherwise. I just knew this was not the man I fell in love with. This was not the life we had spoken about. I went upstairs to nurse the baby and left him downstairs in his intervention. He came up to me, I told him I was sorry to do that to him but he left me no choice. He said he understood and was going to an AA meeting the next night. When everyone in our house finally left and we went to bed, we talked more than we had in years. Open and honest. He went to his first meeting the next day and hasn’t stopped since.
We couldn’t be more blessed in our life today! His five year anniversary is today, and although it was probably the hardest years together, they have been the most rewarding years of my life.
I couldn’t ask for anything more in my life. My husband is my best friend, he is a part of everything my kids do and my biggest supporter. Sobriety has given us a whole new life together! If someone in your life wants to get help, you can be their biggest supporter or their biggest obstacle. Sometimes in life, and especially marriage, you need to carry the two of you… in the end it has been worth it for the both of us.
90 meetings in 90 days with a three year old with ADD and an infant, hardest, most stressful time of my life. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
My husband inspires me EVERYDAY. I love him more today than ever, and I’ve never been more proud of him.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.