by Kathleen Wisbey
(Perth west australia)
I used to wonder if he had a problem with drink when he was younger being around 17-19 yrs of age as one of his friends alerted me to his habits, not in an unfriendly manner, but I remember the day and time when I was told – a mother never forgets such things
I remember one Saturday afternoon I went to the pub to get him out – he wasn’t my husband but my son – I always figured there were better things to do than be at a pub and waste your money there.
At that stage of his life I wasn’ t particularly worried just trying to instill some rules. He had friends and he went out, he had a job and drove a car. I figured one day he might get married and have kids. He moved out of our home like most teens but not until he was around nearly 20 yrs old with a couple of mates and his sister. We celebrsted his 21st as a family out and I never saw anything to cause me worry – he had his 18th birthday at home as well nothing really bad happened, and yes the kids were smoking pot – which i didn’ t approve of either – that was a big worry.
He moved in and out of places to live and shared with different people. He had a good job and in one of those jobs (after he finished his apprenticeship as a heavy duty mechanic) hurt his back – I guess at this stage he was living on his own. I noticed a few empty bottles around but his place seemed reasonably clean. But to me he wasn’t a drinker that would make you worry.
Over the years he helped both his sister and brother through their rough patches and growing-up periods – he was always there for them. On some ocassions I noticed he was more aggressive and rather controlling but I know in my heart he would pay for their bills if they asked and he dearly loved his brother and sister – he was and is a good brother in that way. He also joined the mining industry where the money he was getting paid was a lot more – this is where I believe the binge drinking and out of control drinking started and since then I notice he needs bottles of liquor before going to bed. Incidentally I tried to tell him that if he came back home to live he would have to leave the drink alone, but my voice and conditions went out the window – to me it shows no respect.
Over the years we have seen him go from a somewhat fit person to a larger in stature person in weight – we cook his meals and sometimes do his washing – it is at this stage of our lives as we are older now (my husband recently having a serious operation) would dearly love to see him move into his own place – he took over our home and shed and simply thinks its ok.
He is very generous but he wants to pick arguments when he gets drunk. I have gone to seek help but am not the drinker. I have put self-help leaflets on the fridge door and I have said over and over its your health.
I am worried about as we get older. I do not look forward to his mental and physical state as he tries to control me. I just want some peace in our lives. To this day I do not understand why he drinks.
Comments for My Sons Heavy Drinking and Self Abusing his Health Worries Me
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.