Nowhere To Go

I have been married for 30 years and my husband has been a heavy drinker the last 8 years. He is now a non-functioning drunk. He hides his bottles all around the house and is consumed by alcohol and nothing matters to him. When he hits bottom he has seizures ends up in the ER. Once he is detoxed he comes home and feeling better he hands out "I'm sorry" to everyone he may have talked to when he was drunk. In his mind I'm supposed to accept his I'm sorry or I am looked at as the problem. My husband only stays sober approximately ONE month then he picks a fight with me so he has a reason to drink again.

He stays in his bedroom all the time he is drinking. He does not eat at all. When he can not drive he tries to get someone in the family to go get him more booze. When we all say no he drives himself but the verbal abuse starts because we did not help him. We all worry that he is going to hurt someone or himself. My children and I do not know what to do.

We both live on a fixed income living in our home we bought years ago. After we pay our bills we have very little left over to get us through the month. We both have separate accounts because of his drinking; when he is drinking he does not care about paying bills or heating oil, or anything else. Life has been a really big struggle for the past 7 years. Last winter just before Christmas he left our home and emptied my bank account and rented a motel room. He left me with no food and no oil for heat. I only had 11 dollars and I had our 2 big dogs to feed. I expected a deposit of $500 dollars but he withdrew it before I could get to the bank.

I have no one to turn to. When the money he took ran out he returned home and would not leave. He of course blamed me because there was no food in the house or heat. I'm stuck I do not have enough money to support myself and he knows that so he does what he wants - and that is drink, pass out, wake up and drink some more.

I don't know how to help him, I spend my days making sure he is still breathing. He falls out of bed a lot so I find it hard to sleep at night. The loud bang I hear at night startles me and I am afraid if I don't check on him he may need my help. I have called 911 so many times. He has broken his arm had seizures and hit his face on the floor so hard that I could not recognize him.

I am Lost and alone with no one to talk to.

Comments for Nowhere To Go

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Jul 10, 2019
Deeply moving stuff
by: Anonymous

I am so, so sincerely sorry for this hell you've been living in. This story is deeply moving and very heartbreaking.

Please, even if there's a small chance of you seeing this comment, I want you to know you don't have to live like this. It's been a couple of years since you posted this story, and I have my fingers crossed you figured out a way to escape this nightmare.

Please, you deserve to leave this messy, painful situation. You are loved, and you do not deserve this. If you have to make really hard decisions to move on, so be it.

I also hope your husband has found a cure to his ills, and is making a fresh clean start.

All the best.

Feb 18, 2017
I was the same way
by: Frank D.

I know what you are going through because I put my wife and children through the same hell. What you described about your husband is what I was like. I know you can't afford to leave him but the truth is you can't afford not to leave him. The truth is I didn't hit my rock bottom until I stopped using other people to dig with. When my wife and I separated that's when I really felt alone. Trust me when an alcoholic is truly left with him or herself, that's the last person they want to be left alone with. That loneliness made me seek help and STICK with the help. I was going to 3 meetings a day for 5 months straight. People got so used to seeing me that service work (making coffee, setting up the meeting, reading at the meeting) was easy to do. While I was with my wife, everything was her fault so that I could use that as a reason to drink. We were together for 20+ years and enemies. Now we are not together but I'm sober and we are best friends. My kids love me, my wife loves me (as a friend) and we are there for each other despite the fact that she has moved on. We communicate all the time. I am closer to God now than I've ever expected to be and I wouldn't change it or go back for anything in the world. It gets better. Trust it. I hope my words help you and him. May God bless all of you.

Mar 29, 2015
You are not alone!
by: Anonymous

Many of us have been exactly where you are. Please find an Al-anon meeting in your area. Really. Saved my life. It's the one place you are safe to share what you are going through and EVERYONE there knows what you are talking about. They are very careful to protect your identity and there is no cost. It's absolute incredible what a change it can make in your life whether your person is drinking or not. When you are in crisis for so long you don't even know what normal means. Al-anon can bring your life back to you. You are valuable and owe it to yourself and your children. Please check Al-anon out. There is hope. I promise!
Gayle W. in Orlando, Fl

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I Feel Alone

by Matrha

I am married to an alcoholic but I feel like I have no one to talk to, to do things with, to love me. I am not sure why I have not left him.

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Nov 01, 2015
by: Anonymous

I have stopped drinking for the last 24 days, but I am frightened that I am going to drink again. I know it's a short period but I was at rock bottom and was still functional. I have bad depression, but do feel a little bit better. I look after my mother, she has slight dementia and its hard work.

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