The insecurities are escalating...

by Dani
(Lancaster CA)

My husband is an alcoholic, I think he's a functioning alcoholic, he holds a job but he has had many jobs in the ten years I've known him. He has had this last job for almost a yeaar now, that will be a record. He drinks everyday, from expensive beer to 40's of cheap beer, he's not picky. I would say he drinks at least the equivelant of a 12 pack a night. Now that he has income he spends a lot of money on beer and marijuana, he justifies this by saying he has a job, he's an earner. He is not physically abusive but I am definitely his favorite target when it come to his sarcastic remarks and picking on someone. We live alone, our nest is empty. He spends every night alone in the garage, listening to music, getting high and drinking beer. He doesn't have many freinds, he says I am his best friend. As soon as he's drunk he starts accusing me of not loving him, of having someone else... sometimes I think he is deflecting and maybe he doesn't ove me nymore. I'm not sure how I would feel if he left, he is my best freind, I love him but I resent him a lot for expecting me to take care of the house on my own. I am feeling stuck, absolutely unappreciated but I don't know how I would feel if he left, not that he ever will, he will never leave me... I put up with his crap every single day.