My boyfriend is addicted to alcohol, I don’t know what to do…
We often hear of the terrible damage that alcoholism wreaks on the sufferer, however, it is those around the alcoholic that often suffer the most. There is nothing worse than watching someone you love slowly destroy themselves with no apparent regard for the consequences for themselves or their family/friends. In fact it is, and quite understandably so, incomprehensible to many.
Jima, your boyfriend is, as you state, addicted to alcohol and until he does something about his addiction you will always play second fiddle to his need for alcohol.
There are a number of steps you can take but there is no quick fix:
1. You need to sit your boyfriend down and tell him how you feel about his drinking, the impact it is having on his/your life and how it upsets you.
2. Tell him that if he chooses to do something about his drinking that you will do all that you can to help him. DO NOT give him an ultimatum (i.e say to him that if he doesn’t stop drinking you will leave him) unless you intend to carry it out.
3. Having told your boyfriend how you feel, let him choose what he wants to do. Do not coerce him into getting help, he needs to make the decision himself. If he continues drinking then maybe it is time to think about the future of your relationship. If you stay with him and let him abuse your feelings then you are as good as giving him the green light to continue taking you for granted.
4. Live the life you want to and not the one your boyfriend has chosen.
You obviously care for him and I wish you all the best.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.