by Tessa Holt
(Sedro-Woolley, Washington, U.S.A)
What if my mother has brain damage or fluid on the brain due to alcoholism and she continues to get drunk?
This is a question that only the medical professional who diagnosed your mother’s condition can answer. However, it goes without saying that if she continues to drink it will only exacerbate her condition.
It sounds obvious but it is imperative that she stops drinking but it appears that she does not want to.
You are probably feeling quite powerless at the moment as you feel there is nothing you can do, and in a way you’re right, there is nothing you can do for your mother until she chooses to stop drinking. Your mother is an adult and has decided to continue drinking despite her circumstances, and as hard as it may be you need to respect her ‘choice’. We are not saying you should abandon her to her fate rather keep your distance and do not get involved in her addictive manipulation.
What you need to do is be there for her if she decides to get help for her drinking problem but in the meantime look after yourself and try, as hard as it may be, to not let your mother’s situation impact too much on your wellbeing. You may not be able to help your mother at the moment but you can certainly help yourself.
We wish you all the best.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.
Dec 09, 2013
Hi Candice again; forgot to mention I will answer any questions if I can. Or any helpful tips on recovery would be great to hear. On another topic my mom is an alcoholic, it is so hard, verbal abuse, memory loss, no love. Feel like my mom has already died all because of the demon drink. How do other people cope???? Luckily I have great support from my aunty, she has been my life line. My dad also is suffering the emotional turmoil it brings. When my mom dies I know I will be consumed with guilt “could I have done more.” Am I alone in thinking this. Kind regards Candice x
Dec 09, 2013
Strength and Recovery
This is the first time I have wrote and tell my life story of being an alcoholic and now a recovering alcoholic. Not sure when having a fun, social drink led to dependency. It led to drinking one liter of vodka a day, staring early morning. Drinking and sleeping all day, hardly ate. D-Day was all week very lethargic, no appetite, skin became yellow. My good friend took me to urgent care, admitted straight away. I was very ill to the point my family thought “will I pull through,” Wont lie it was hard, body goes through so much, but soon there was hope. In recovery, I felt isolated, no confidence and a shadow of my former self. As the days and weeks go by I became the opposite with the help and support from PCP and DRAW recovery meetings which are also fun and active. Make new friends out of the alcohol circle, and the days you do feel down or want to drink, just pick up the phone. It is never too late, I am 38 yrs old and I feel my life has just begun. With strength and support I am still alcohol free after 4 months. To be honest, I was in denial but my body was not.
Hope that anyone out there that are alcohol dependent, talk about it and don’t feel ashamed. I am proud to say I am a Recovering Alcoholic and you will too. Take back your Life and Live ….
Jan 18, 2012
About as real as it gets.
The main reason why I decided to be involved with this site is because it looked like a place where people could get honest answers to difficult questions. I am going to put that assumption to the test with my reply to your post. Without seeming to be insensitive to your situation please take the following advice in the spirit it was given knowing that I am speaking from personal experience. If you asking what will happen if someone who is suffering from brain damage continues to ingest poisons then I can say with certainty that that person will perish. The body and brain can only suffer so much abuse and will eventually shut down. Do what you can to prepare yourself for the inevitable outcome which is death. There are no magic pills or cures for alcoholics who are ‘hell bent’ on killing themselves. People suffer a lot before they die from alcohol poisoning. The suffering part is the hardest on family and friends. You also have the option to stay away if it gets too difficult. You always have choices and should always consider your own personal needs before the needs of someone else who is not taking proper care of themselves. None of us is obligated to live around an alcoholic. Life isn’t always easy as you are discovering. Best wishes and I hope this board continues to be a place for people to come to for honest interactions even when it gets uncomfortable.
Jan 04, 2012
There are no easy answers to your situation. There is no ‘one size fits all’ remedy. Asking questions and seeking out help is a good sign that you are aware of the critical nature of the situation. Do what you have to do to find some happiness in life without alcohol and other drugs being involved. We can’t choose our family members but we can choose how and where we spend our time. Sometimes it takes a death or tragedy in a family to bring about some meaningful awareness and change. You cannot escape your past but you can shape your future. It is your decision. Best wishes.