(Gardena, Ca )
I need advice from someone outside my relationship. I’ve been with my partner for 10 years since we have been together since we were kids. I love him but recently the last few years he his been drinking excessively. I don’t understand why? He wastes money ridiculously, and we fight over his drinking.
What I need advice on is that we have 3 daughters and they see all this. I don’t know what to do…
It is very challenging for those who are not addicted to a substance to understand the behavior of someone who is addicted. It’s true that their behavior indicates they prefer their substance over their family. However, in the alcoholic’s heart, I’m sure this is not true. When the human body is addicted to something, the drive for the substance is so strong that it can take precedent over loved ones, jobs, credit ratings, responsibilities, children, reputation, and even their marriage. In his heart he probably loves you and the children more than anything else on earth but it is hard to discern that based on his behavior. In the moment, nothing is more important than satisfying the physical need he has for alcohol.
It is not a good environment for your daughters and could have many long-term negative effects on their mental and emotional well-being. You may want to read this article on the effects of alcoholism on children and family. You will be able to get an idea of how people are affected by their parents substance abuse when they were children. You will then understand how your daughters could be affected.
You may want to consider a separation until he gets the help he needs. Or, if he goes away to get help at a rehab facility, this will give you and your girls sufficient distance from his struggles. You girls need to be a in a stable home without substance abuse or constant fighting.
Once your husband receives help for his addiction, he will need to maintain that sobriety through regular AA meetings and counseling would be beneficial as well. You, also, may want to get some counseling at a local counseling center or church. It’s important that you know how to not enable him and also how to support him in a helpful way when he enters the recovery phase of his addiction.
Follow this link for more information about alcoholism treatment.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.