I need help to get away from him, I don’t want to be here anymore, he lies, manipulates, blames me for everything. I’m a team-leader and I work hard, but he says I do nothing. I’m so low.
Yes, it sounds like you do need to get away from him, but why do you need help? Is he violent or threaten violence towards you if you try to leave him? if this is the case then you need to inform your local police department, if this is not an option then you have to get out of the house and find a safe place to go. This could be a friend’s house, the house of a relative, a refuge anywhere that he cannot get to you.
If he is not physically violent toward you and you find it hard to leave him, then you need to ask yourself why it is you are staying with him. What advantage is there to you if you stay with him? Once you can answer this question then you will find it easier to leave him.
Many wives of alcoholics stay with their abusive husbands (verbal and emotional abuse) because over the years they have lost all their self-esteem due to the environment they have lived in. If you are constantly belittled, blamed for everything and generally made to feel useless then, over time, you will start to believe that, yes you are worthless and, so the thinking goes, if you’re worthless then you get all that you deserve and anyway, even if you did leave him nobody else would want you. So many women stay in these relationships, believing it is better to be abused and in a relationship than to be alone. It doesn’t have to be this way.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.
Jun 14, 2016
I’ve dealt with similar things with my fiance when he drinks. He becomes a totally different person. The drunk man fixates on specific acts of sexual contact he wants, and says that we’re breaking up because he doesn’t get what he wants. He blamed me for him leaving the state, and his PO meeting, because he didn’t get those acts. When sober, he apologizes, feels horrible, says he doesn’t want those acts, and he’s sorry for treating me so badly. He’s relapsed 3 times this year, and still on probation for another year for his DUI. I love my sober fiance, and when he got his DUI, and was sober, it was like we started over. We’ve been together 3.5 yrs, and 1.5 of that was horrible fighting, and me trying to balance his life, and survive it. His DUI was a blessing. I fear though that he’s not going to get the help he needs, without the state holding his hand. His mom died from alcohol, his dad is co-dependent on his father and addict girlfriend. He’s been in and out of rehab. 🙁 But my fiance, doesn’t “need” that. I disagree.
May 16, 2013
My partner is nasty to me and drinks 6 bottles of wine a day
I to am living in hell… One minute he can be nice the next so angry he wants to smash my face in. I live in fear not knowing how he is going to be with me when I speak to him… Like u said I love him but i don’t like him.. This is made very easy for him as we are wealthy so I don’t need to worry about paying the bills so I can buy wine everyday….YES I buy it I feel like his dealer which supplies him with the wicked stuff…. He starts as early as 5 in the morning continues all day with a sleep in between… I generally spend most of the time on my own. If I do go out he gets nasty because I have been gone for more than two hours or I’m seeing another man…
Very much the same in the sex department which makes me feel more neglected.. I’m drained and sooo sad but can’t leave him as he needs me.. He is slowly killing himself and I have to sit back and watch. It breaks my heart…
Mar 05, 2012
He makes me feel so low but I can’t seem to leave. Why?
I am 30 years old and have been married for 5 years. I do love my husband when he is sober but when he is drunk I really hate him. He drinks a quarter of vodka at night but usually when I get home from work I can tell he has been drinking all day but he always makes out that this is his 1st drink of the day. I always put the key in the door and my hearts sinks wondering if he is going to be paralytic or in a good mood which is very rare.
I am scared to leave him as he doesn’t work and I worry what he will do with no money. I also worry that when he is sober he will feel sad. I don’t understand why I feel sorry for him as he obviously doesn’t care how I feel. When he is drunk, he swears at me, makes me cry and recently he has become violent but doesn’t remember, as in the morning when I tell him how he punched me or
tried to strangle me he says I’m lying and that he just pushed me.
Will he ever get better? We don’t have children but really want them but never have sex as he is always drunk but then blames me for not wanting to be intimate with him but who wants to have sex with a drunk person? Not to mention he can’t seem to perform.
When he is sober we still don’t have sex as he needs to drink otherwise he starts shaking.
What do I do? I feel so alone as I can’t tell anyone I’m too ashamed. No one in my family or friends know what I’m going through. They think I’m my happy self but little do they know, I’m dying inside.
My childhood and home-life before I got married were perfect and now I feel like I’m in hell. But I still feel sorry for him and love my sober husband but hate the devil husband that comes out when he is drunk. What do I do?
Feb 11, 2012
Asking For Help Can Be Dangerous
First of all , I’m a native French speaker so
it may be my English is not quite clear and bad.
I also drank 1 litre of vodka everyday till my
doctor told me that I have a cirrhotic liver.
I was 48 year old. I stopped drinking without any
help. Just some “Valium” to avoid delirium tremens. That was 17 months ago. Now my life is not better nor worse. But I haven’t a choise. It’s live or die.
What is difficult for me? Having stop to drinking? NO, not at all . What is difficult is that my wife continue to go to the “meeting” of AL-non. It becomes like a drug for her. It seems she has had a brainwashing . I can say that AL-non has broken my life. I don’t recognize my wife and its getting worse.
It’s easy to say : your husband drinks too much,
join us and we’ll help you.
In fact AL-non should not be existing , they kill a marriage .
Nov 25, 2011
I need help leaving him because I have nowhere to go. I have made bids on housing but so far I haven’t been offered a place, and yes he does belittle me constantly, and humiliates me ,and calls me a leech on society and a parasite, (I work and he doesn’t).I think I possibly may have Stockholm syndrome,as I’ve been abused from the age of 3 to 19 by various men; my dad, my stepdad etc. I’m in a terrible rut. He tells me no one wants me. I’ve contacted SWACA, and they had no refuge houses available in my area, and I have to be in work for 6 am, so am worried how I’d get to work, as I don’t drive. I have no self esteem,no self confidence. I’m surprised I managed to get promoted to teamleader as I doubt my own ability so much. I can’t phone the police for several reasons I can’t mention. I just know I can’t go on like this anymore because it’s becoming a real effort to get out of bed I feel so desolate. I don’t love him anymore. I’m starting to despise him, but where can I go? It’s his house. Thanks for your comment. lyndsey oconnor.