What if your husband is completely aware that he has a problem with alcohol, and uses this as an excuse for drinking? He says, I know I have vices, but I can’t change, no one changes….. what do I say to that?
Firstly, of course people can change. The only reason he is saying that people can’t change is because he doesn’t want to make the effort to change. He is perfectly comfortable drinking away, while you worry.
It’s true that he can’t be forced to change – he has to want to change himself, which at the moment he doesn’t seem to want to do. It’s true that we all have vices, but if these vices are hurting somebody else (which they seem to be) then they become unacceptable.
You need to sit him down (when he hasn’t been drinking) and tell him how you feel and how his drinking is affecting you and your relationship with him. If this doesn’t motivate him to stop drinking, then it seems his drinking problem has got to the stage where alcohol has become more important than those who love him. If this is the case, perhaps you should take a look at what you want from your future…..
All the best.
I am a Mental Health Counselor who is licensed in both New York (LMHC) and North Carolina (LCMHC). I have been working in the Mental Health field since 2015. I have worked in a residential setting, an outpatient program and an inpatient addictions program. I began working in Long Island, NY and then in Guelph, Ontario after moving to Canada. I have since settled in North Carolina. I have experience working with various stages of addiction, depression, anxiety, mood disorders, trauma, stages of life concerns and relationship concerns.
I tend to use a person-centered approach which simply means that I meet you where you are and work collaboratively to help you identify and work towards accomplishing goals. I will often pull from CBT when appropriate. I do encourage use of mindfulness and meditation and practice these skills in my own life. I believe in treating everyone with respect, sensitivity and compassion.
I recognize that reaching out for help is hard and commend you for taking the first step. We have professionals available who would be happy to help you move closer to reaching your goals related to your drinking concerns. You may reach these professionals by calling 877-322-2694.